Three Key Lessons Learned in Year One

This month I had my one year anniversary for living in my Malagasy village. I've already spent one whole year in my community! Looking back on this Year One of my Peace Corps service, I definitely can sum it up as a totes adaladala experience. I saw a lot of places, did a lot of things, and felt a lot of feels. Through the adventures, trials, and seasons of it all, the lessons I have learned are beyond measure. And because the lessons are many and sometimes indescribable, it has taken me a while to process them all. But in this reflection, I've identified three lessons that I have had the greatest impact on me at this time...

Lesson 1: Not only can I still be friends with people I disagree with, but I can actually learn a whole lot from them even as we disagree.

Jamie and Brienne in Game of Thrones. Image from tumbler

It's not easy to be around people who don't see eye-to-eye with you, whether that be in politics, values, cultural differences, or the quality of Justin Bieber's music. Because of this, I think it is often too easy for us to surround ourselves with only the people and ideas we agree with and then shut out, dismiss, or even become aggressive towards anything opposite or outside of our set way of thinking. I sometimes did this in the United States whether I meant to or not; I did know several people very different from myself, but I never had to spend time with them on a consistent basis or build more meaningful relationships with them because is was so easy and convenient to surround myself with people just like me. But now that I'm in Madagascar, that is no longer an option simply because people just like me don't exist here. So, in this last year on the Red Island I've been strongly challenged to live, work, and go to a deeper human level with people different from me on an everyday basis.


What I've discovered as I've accepted this challenge is that not only can I be friends with people I disagree with, but I can actually learn a lot from them even as we disagree. This is of course incredibly true in regards to my interactions with Malgasy people and culture. Many aspects of Malagasy culture are simply different from what I'm used to and not necessarily conflicting, such as the norms for emotional expressions in social settings, in which case it is usually easy to adapt. But then there are other aspects that are different on a more fundamental level, such as cultural practices regarding gender roles and expectations. In these more conflicting aspects, I've learned that I don't have to necessarily agree with or condone something I don't believe in, but I can still have a respectful attitude and meet people where they are at in regards to it. Just because we have differences, it doesn't mean we can't have relationship on a work or even a friendship level. And when that cooperative relationship does exist among the differences, it opens the opportunity to broaden perspective, deepen understanding, and use diversity to become stronger.

And, interestingly enough, I think I've learned even more about human diversity from other Volunteers than I have from Madagascar. All Peace Corps Volunteers are Americans, but we come from a wide spread across the country. With different colors, different politics, different backgrounds, different religious views, different tastes, and different experiences, we're basically one giant rolling ball of American diversity. I've learned a great deal from my co-Volunteers, both in regards to learning more about life and the world and learning more about myself. They challenge me to think broader and deeper and have helped me grow in the art of introspection. When we discuss various topics, I also have to evaluate the reasons behind my own opinions and values. And when I react a certain way to other people's opinions and values, I have to ask myself why I feel the way I do in my reaction. It's not so much about who is right in regards to this or that, but learning about how and why people think and live the way they do (including myself).

Overall, this experience has helped me learn to love people over opinions. Even if I don't understand or agree with someone, whether in a cultural or mindset sense, that doesn't take away the value of the human being, and also in many cases, the value of my relationship with them (with the exception of something being harmful or toxic). I don't have to pick someone I fundamentally disagree with to be my life coach, but I don't have to throw them away, either. When I allow myself to be challenged by different people and ideas, it offers an awesome opportunity for me to gain valuable relationships, facilitate self-growth, and be more effective in my work.

Lesson 2: Patience and grace are essential for serenity (and therefore, sanity). 

George in Seinfeld. Image from imgur.

Between infrastructure problems, work issues, and personal challenges, it can be easy to get frustrated and flustered living in Madagascar. If you can't find serenity, you certainly can't survive here. You will literally, and I mean literally, go insane. But the reality is, you usually have very little control over such situations, and when you do have control there's only the matter of stepping up to the responsibility of it. So you might as well chill out. And that chilling out--that understanding that you probably don't have a full picture of many situations and the reasons behind them, that faith that things will work out in their own time and their own way, and that humility to accept people and situations beyond your control--is what saves you. Exercising patience and offering grace will produce the serenity needed to successfully live and work with both others and self. 

Lesson 3: Most of the time, it's better to place relationships over work in Madagascar.

The work phone goes out the window in the movie Hook. Image from imgflip,

In America, we have a mobile culture and society. People are always moving to new places or taking trips. We have an emphasis and focus on work, also, and many Americans are willing to sacrifice a lot for work purposes. In Madagascar, it's not the same. People seem to rarely move, or if they do, it isn't far. And aside from public transportation drivers, the only time people seem to go on a trip is for very special occasions. Then as far as work goes, there is definitely less emphasis and priority compared to America.
This difference in work mentality has made my first year interesting. I've left my community for several work-related trips, and when I do so, these are the typical conversations I have with my Malagasy friends and neighbors:
Me: I'm going to the capital for two weeks to do Peace Corps work.
Neighbor: Oh, you're leaving? You don't like living here in the village? You're going on vacation?
Me: No, I like it here, I'm just leaving for work.
*I return to my village from the capital*
Neighbor: Welcome back! How was your vacation? You must have liked it there better than here, you were gone a long time.

So, the idea of business trips in Madagascar is a concept that isn't always fully understood. I think it's because business trips are things that Malagasy people hardly ever do, so the only time they leave the area is for family matters or for a special occasion. Everyone's work is at home. Whereas in America, it is totally common, normal, and accepted to leave for business and other trips. When I was in high school and left regularly for livestock shows or sports tournaments, no one said, "Oh, you're leaving town again? You aren't happy with being in your hometown?" But when I need to leave for work in Madagascar, my community legitimately sometimes believes that I'm leaving because I'm not happy in my village.
Dealing with this during my first year has actually re-shaped my idea of success as a Peace Corps Volunteer in Madagascar. When I first got to Madagascar, my idea of success was all centered around the work aspects of projects and networking. But now, I realize that while that was my priority, it is not my community's priority. They are honestly much more interested in relational aspects than in development work. So after this first year, my picture of success has shifted towards how I live with and relate to the people in my community. In applying that to Malagasy culture, I'm beginning to understand that the biggest thing I can do to achieve that success is to be present in my community and invest more in my community relationships. That doesn't disregard the importance of work or mean I'm going to totally stop taking trips. But it does make me more considerate of my community's perspective, change my attitude on how I operate, and push me to adapt when needed as I move into my second year of service.