finis

Movie still from Madagascar (2005)

Preparing to die.

That's what I feel I've been doing for the last five months. More in an amusing way than a morbid way. An amusing--but very real--way. 

Reality sharpened when I received my Peace Corps assignment and departure date. Priorities shifted at the realization of an approaching drastic life change. 

The first thing that changed? I stopped dressing up every day. Just kidding... I've never dressed up every day. But other things quickly became unimportant and impractical. I quit
buying stuff... Why acquire more clothes, house decorations, furniture, toys, or much of anything else? I couldn't bring it all to Madagascar. Most material items simply became an unnecessary investment. In fact, I also started getting rid of more of what I already owned, which was a very freeing...and actually kind of fun...experience.

The significance of some lifestyle aspects also declined. I stopped regularly watching and following my favorite sports teams... I simply couldn't pour as much time and energy into sports culture. My attitude about church changed. A few church facets--the traditions, the general culture, and the sermons--strangely seemed shallow and trivial to me. (Spiritually, I got more out of solo and small group studies anyway). I continued to attend church for the people. Not exactly for socialization, but for the people themselves... for my relationships with others, which is integral to my relationship with God.
P.S. I don't dislike church... If I did, I wouldn't go at all! It's just that my priorities about why I go to church, and what I see is most important about church, has changed.

Indeed, people advanced in importance. People are not a vain or "temporary" investment. People are infinitely valuable. I started spending more time and focus on my family and friends. I gave a greater thought to acquaintances and strangers. I took many opportunities to talk, play, adventure, and relax with others. I knew out of all the things in my life, I would miss people the most when I left Texas.

Yeesh... giving my stuff away... spending more time with people... See why I've felt like I've been preparing to die?

However, this "preparation" process of living life to the fullest is truthfully not a sudden occurrence brought on by the Peace Corps. Prior experiences have also propelled me toward this kind of thinking and lifestyle. The loss of my dad, mission and service work, my quarter-life crisis (yeah, I really had one of those...woof), my nephews, and general spiritual growth certainly transformed me and set me on this path of living. 

As another refining step, the Peace Corps has sharpened my perspective with a new sense of urgency. Peace Corps preparation has reminded me of how important life is. It has reminded me that an intentional, simple, spiritual, and "carpe diem" life is a life I want to live across my entire lifespan, and not just towards the end of a life chapter.

Really, I haven't been preparing to die anyway... I've just been gettin' busy to live.



Through all of this, I've been riddled with tough questions. What kind of life am I living? What kind of seeds are my words, actions, and life planting in Texas...what will those seeds grow into after I leave? Am I giving people encouragement, hope, help, knowledge, and love? Am I furthering the health and strength of my community? Do individuals in my life know I care about them in both heart-level and tangible ways? Am I making the most of what I have in relationships, time, and resources? I'm glad to say I can honestly look at these questions and be at peace with the answers. I have lived and served to the best of my ability and am pleased with most of the results... God's grace covers the rest.